I'll Follow You Down
by ikuzonos
Summary: Sometimes Adrian Andrews is little more than a shadow of her mentor. (Celeste/Adrian, Adrian/Franziska, mentions of suicide and character death, written in 2015)


To this day, the letter sits on her desk. She doesn't look at it, because she knows she'll cry if she does. She can't bear to throw it out, so it stays there, covered in dust.

It has so many words, words she could never say. She wanted to say them, if only to let it all out. But now it's too late, too late to ever say it.

She can still see Celeste's body, hanging limp in the dining room of her apartment. Still loose. Still dead.

She feels like it was her fault, like she was supposed to save Celeste. She knows it wasn't her doing, but it feels like it. But it also feels like Juan's fault. Juan broke off the engagement. It's his fault.

She hates Juan.

* * *

She wonders if she should leave a note. She doesn't know. The police didn't find a note for Celeste, but there was ink on her hand. It could have been from signing documents, but it could be from a note.

She tries to write, but she just sees Juan hiding Celeste's note, and grinning. She frowns, and balls up the paper, tossing it across the room. It lands next to her desk, and she sees the letter. She refuses to read it, but she cries anyway.

Eventually, she writes something worth leaving behind. Four simple words.

 _I love you, Celeste._

She grabs a power cord that doesn't work, and ties it around the light fixture. She stands on the table, and ties the other end of the cord in a loop around her neck. She takes a deep breath, her last breath.

And she imagines Celeste smiling.

It gives her the courage to step off the table.

But as she does something happens and it doesn't work. She lets out a scream, before her throat stops working, and she kicks her chair, and it falls. She can hear her heart beating in her head, and all she can think is that she failed. Failed something as simple as this. As simple as death.

She hears a loud pounding on the door, someone calling her name. She can't answer, and the person breaks down the door in a panic. Just before she blacks out, she realizes it's Juan.

She hates Juan.

* * *

When they let out out of the hospital, she has a scar. She takes to turtleneck sweaters, hoping to hide the line around her neck. Nobody ever asks about it, but she knows they whisper in silence.

She tries to move on. It doesn't really work, but she convinces herself that life will go on. She leaves Worldwide Studios, and heads for the competitor. She's assigned to Matt Engarde, and her fists coil.

Her therapist tells her to let her anger out, and she does, but when she's alone. She throws darts in her apartment, at pictures of Matt and Juan. She cries, because she shouldn't be here. She should be dead, and Celeste should still be here.

At work, she acts professional, and acts like she cares about Matt.

She hates Matt.

* * *

She can't eat at the table anymore. She sits at her desk, or on the couch, or sometimes, she doesn't eat at all. But she can't look at the table without feeling her scar pulse, and getting the urge.

The urge to try again.

Everywhere she goes, she sees ways to kill herself. Ways she can die. She can't look at anything, without wondering how it can kill her.

She works harder, ignoring the demon inside of her. She does paperwork, she organizes shoots, she takes care of Matt's cat. Sometimes Shoe listens to her cry when she's alone in Matt's house.

Even when she's alone, she feels like someone is watching her, but she ignores it. Shoe understands her. Shoe is the only living thing she is certain she loves.

She hates herself.

* * *

She picks up the letter, one evening. She has the urge to tear into the envelope, to read it. But she doesn't, she just holds it.

She walks. She walks to no place in particular. She wonders if she's going to throw herself off a bridge, or get hit by a car. She figures both of those could kill her easily.

But when she does realize where she is, it's too late to go back. She's in a graveyard, and Celeste's grave is right in front of her. She collapses to her knees, and cries. It's the middle of the night, and it's cold, and she wonders if this will kill her, and for once, she doesn't care.

Celeste _left_ and now she's _alone._

She puts the letter on her grave, and she doesn't look at it again.

She leaves, but not before kissing the cold gravestone.

She hates Celeste.

* * *

She gets better. Slowly, time heals her. People come, people go. It's all a blur.

Juan dies.

Matt is arrested.

She can't remember if she cares or not.

She meets Phoenix Wright. He hurts her, but also saves her.

She meets Miles Edgeworth. He opens wounds, but she forgives him.

She meets Franziska von Karma. She reminds her of Celeste, and she likes that.

They fix her.

In time, she comes to accept it.

* * *

Several years later, she sits by her grave. She stares, but she doesn't cry. It's become a part of her life. It doesn't sadden her as much as it used to, and she feels so much braver than she used to be.

She traces Celeste's name on the stone with her finger, and smiles lightly. Franziska stands behind her, and puts a hand on her shoulder. Adrian looks down, only to realize that the letter is still there, buried under rocks to keep it from flying away.

She takes it with her, when she leaves with Franziska.

That night, she opens it.

She cries.

* * *

 _Dear Celeste,_

 _I've felt like this since we met. You've changed me in more ways than I could ever imagine. I feel so many things when I'm around you. You make me so happy, and I always want to smile when I'm with you._

 _For my whole life, I've been dependant on people, and I realize, I'm probably dependant on you too. But I really do feel something different when I'm with you. It's never been easy, but I've always admired you._

 _I know… you're with Juan, and you're going to marry him. I don't want to change you, I just want you to know the truth, before I'm not important to you anymore._

 _Celeste, I love you. Please don't forget me._

 _-Adrian Andrews_


End file.
